It's called "The Lake Wobegon Effect," after radio host Garrison Keillor's fictional town where "all the children are above average." We all want our kids to be above average. But the very meaning of "average" scuttles our desire. It's perfectly okay to be average and all of us are, in one way or another. This means we need to cut our kids some slack.
In the grand scheme of things only 20% of humans are "exceptional" in any particular quality. The statistical plotting of probable outcomes and deviation from the mean dictates that only a few folks are exceptions to the general run. Half of those exceptions fall to the lesser side and half fall to the greater side. So, most of us possess average coordination. Ten percent or fewer of us have exceptionally bad coordination and ten percent or fewer have exceptionally good coordination. That's just the way it is. No amount of coaching or training or eating of Wheaties will change the fact that 80% of us are about the same when it comes to physical coordination.
The same is true of every other quality you can imagine. Physical attractiveness and beauty: 80% of us are average. Math ability: 80% are reasonably proficient. Musical talent: 80%. Social skills: 80%. Intelligence: 80%. Of the remaining 20% in each case, half are above average and half are below.
This is not to say that you (or I) might not be exceptionally good-looking but only average in cooking skill and far below average in ability to program a DV-R. Talents and abilities are individual and we can have a range of them. Even Einstein wasn't good at everything! But we are most likely exceptional in only a few things and pretty average in all the rest.
It's all fine and well for us adults to admit our average-ness, but we would like our children to be top of the class in everything they attempt. And this is not just impossible but probably damaging. No kid can be the best-behaved, the most popular, the smartest in science, the winner of the essay contest, the captain of the football team, and lead singer of a garage band that signed with a big label and sold out Qwest Field in their first stop on a 10-country tour. But parents tend to expect this sort of stuff. For many kids, just signing up for an activity means they have to become the top performer in short order.
That's not fair. It doesn't allow kids to grow and experiment and it saddles them with expectations that might exceed their abilities. Your kids, like mine, are average in most things.
Not only that, but the push to be exceptional drives parents to diagnose their kids with below-average performance too quickly. Developmental milestones are achieved over a range of ages and practice does make perfect. It's important to give kids time to grow into their abilities and not hurry to assume they need remedial assistance.
Children flourish best when they're allowed to be who they truly are and are given the time needed to get there.
What's been your experience? I'd love to hear your comments on this....
In the grand scheme of things only 20% of humans are "exceptional" in any particular quality. The statistical plotting of probable outcomes and deviation from the mean dictates that only a few folks are exceptions to the general run. Half of those exceptions fall to the lesser side and half fall to the greater side. So, most of us possess average coordination. Ten percent or fewer of us have exceptionally bad coordination and ten percent or fewer have exceptionally good coordination. That's just the way it is. No amount of coaching or training or eating of Wheaties will change the fact that 80% of us are about the same when it comes to physical coordination.
The same is true of every other quality you can imagine. Physical attractiveness and beauty: 80% of us are average. Math ability: 80% are reasonably proficient. Musical talent: 80%. Social skills: 80%. Intelligence: 80%. Of the remaining 20% in each case, half are above average and half are below.
This is not to say that you (or I) might not be exceptionally good-looking but only average in cooking skill and far below average in ability to program a DV-R. Talents and abilities are individual and we can have a range of them. Even Einstein wasn't good at everything! But we are most likely exceptional in only a few things and pretty average in all the rest.
It's all fine and well for us adults to admit our average-ness, but we would like our children to be top of the class in everything they attempt. And this is not just impossible but probably damaging. No kid can be the best-behaved, the most popular, the smartest in science, the winner of the essay contest, the captain of the football team, and lead singer of a garage band that signed with a big label and sold out Qwest Field in their first stop on a 10-country tour. But parents tend to expect this sort of stuff. For many kids, just signing up for an activity means they have to become the top performer in short order.
That's not fair. It doesn't allow kids to grow and experiment and it saddles them with expectations that might exceed their abilities. Your kids, like mine, are average in most things.
Not only that, but the push to be exceptional drives parents to diagnose their kids with below-average performance too quickly. Developmental milestones are achieved over a range of ages and practice does make perfect. It's important to give kids time to grow into their abilities and not hurry to assume they need remedial assistance.
Children flourish best when they're allowed to be who they truly are and are given the time needed to get there.
What's been your experience? I'd love to hear your comments on this....
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